The Reason
Here's a story staring a happy fat kid. Excuse me, I mean an overwieght kid. A male. His name is ALEX but his friends call him " ching". He's ten and a real cool kid. He goes to Whiterfield Elementary. This school is supposidly a magnet school, but no one know anything here. He's asian by the way. His freinds say he's going to be a sumo wrestler when he gets older. He's shy but loud. He's got a unibrow which makes it worse, but what can he do. But like I said, he's cool, even if he's a book nerd and eats like crazy. Well, he's the key to this story. The reason love blossomed. The reason they exist.
Mason's a smart guy. It's an early Friday morning, and he's late to pick up his brother from school. He's actually to busy flirting with the waitress at Denny's and forgets what time is is. He realizeds and rushes to pick up his brother for the doctors appointment. He's young and naive.
On the other side of town driving to give an annocement at a school for a fundraiser is Michelle. She's in a hurry because if not she'll be late for her fundraiser. She sells cookie dough. Typical, I know.
Mason is turning onto a street a few blocks away from the school. Michelle is turning on the street where the schools at not looking when she hits the curb, or so she thought. A twinkie hits the window. She stops. She looks back. It's a kid she hit.
Mason is rushing; passing stop signs and so forth because if he's late, he has to deal with his mom. Michelle gets out of the car scared and crying all full of tears. Michelle picks up the kid in her arms; this poor kid. She crys because she knows he's gone. Mason turns the street, but see's a lady pulled over hugging a kid. Mason, concerned, pulls over and gets out. He goes over to the scene but realizes who it is and runs. " You B**ch" he yells over grains of dirt that fell in the air from him running. " I'm sorry, I didn't see him" is all Michelle can repeat. It's Alex ( ching) she hit. It was Mason's little brother.
Mason pushes Michelle away and holds Alex crying, because he feels it was his fault because he was late. Michelle just crys. She doesn't show up for the fundraiser or the kid's funeral. She disappers off the face of the planet. Mason hold strong showing no tears, only inside.
Mason drives one morning about a year later to get some coffee. He walks in about to order a vanilla bean frappichino when he looks at the cashier. It's Michelle. She see's him but ignores the ugly look he gives her. She gives him a free drink and pastry for that. On her break they talk. They talk about life and death and why she didn't go to the funeral and what actually happened. Alex left because he's brother was late. Alex decided to walk but he was walking in the middle of the street eating a twinkie and got hit. It was an accident. Michelle and Mason hug. Then kiss and get married after three years of dating. They are happy and have a boy. They named him Alex.
Mason's a smart guy. It's an early Friday morning, and he's late to pick up his brother from school. He's actually to busy flirting with the waitress at Denny's and forgets what time is is. He realizeds and rushes to pick up his brother for the doctors appointment. He's young and naive.
On the other side of town driving to give an annocement at a school for a fundraiser is Michelle. She's in a hurry because if not she'll be late for her fundraiser. She sells cookie dough. Typical, I know.
Mason is turning onto a street a few blocks away from the school. Michelle is turning on the street where the schools at not looking when she hits the curb, or so she thought. A twinkie hits the window. She stops. She looks back. It's a kid she hit.
Mason is rushing; passing stop signs and so forth because if he's late, he has to deal with his mom. Michelle gets out of the car scared and crying all full of tears. Michelle picks up the kid in her arms; this poor kid. She crys because she knows he's gone. Mason turns the street, but see's a lady pulled over hugging a kid. Mason, concerned, pulls over and gets out. He goes over to the scene but realizes who it is and runs. " You B**ch" he yells over grains of dirt that fell in the air from him running. " I'm sorry, I didn't see him" is all Michelle can repeat. It's Alex ( ching) she hit. It was Mason's little brother.
Mason pushes Michelle away and holds Alex crying, because he feels it was his fault because he was late. Michelle just crys. She doesn't show up for the fundraiser or the kid's funeral. She disappers off the face of the planet. Mason hold strong showing no tears, only inside.
Mason drives one morning about a year later to get some coffee. He walks in about to order a vanilla bean frappichino when he looks at the cashier. It's Michelle. She see's him but ignores the ugly look he gives her. She gives him a free drink and pastry for that. On her break they talk. They talk about life and death and why she didn't go to the funeral and what actually happened. Alex left because he's brother was late. Alex decided to walk but he was walking in the middle of the street eating a twinkie and got hit. It was an accident. Michelle and Mason hug. Then kiss and get married after three years of dating. They are happy and have a boy. They named him Alex.

2 Comments:
ej mccarty
Great lead up (I love the twinkie) and a VERY sudden ending. I know it's because of the word limit. Develop this. Getting over pain and hatred is hard. This could turn into a wonderful narrative if you focus more on that. I'm interested.
Your style at the beginning and in several other places is very "matter of fact" there is a lot of just plain telling here. While it works overall, there is a bit too much. Try some snapshots. Slow down time in a few instances - maybe when the brother first gets to the scene of the accident.
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